this time tomorrow...

...i'll be in my new apt in my new neighborhood, and only a dozen blocks from 9th Street Espresso. Oh, and very close to my writing class as well--maybe around 5 blocks. I'm excited!!!! It really DID seem just like yesterday I was chanting "I can't wait to move," and here I go...again.

This post is dedicated partly to the band in washington square park. thank you so much for playing my request song, "I can see cleary now"," and for letting me sing along. i adore that song, and it has a great, positive message. not only did it make my day so much sweeter, i think it lifted my friend caroline's spirit. and she needed it. and so did i, i think. well, who cares, anytime's a good time for a serenade. (check out the video with Johnny Nash below...it was shot in Washington, DC. who knew??! and do me a favor: try NOT to focus on his shoes.)

and i'd planned to post a happy-birthday-MJ post two days ago...so now it's a happy-belated-birthday-MJ post. Oh well, what can I say? I've been packing--and singing in washington sq. park. When I was a 6 years old, I'd dance and sing to MJ songs for my great grandma--and she'd say "Get it, Ginger Cakes!" And I would "get it." I'd pull a little swirl of hair down on my forehead--a la "Off the Wall," and then I'd roll my pants up so that they were high enough to show off my white socks. I think I even convinced my mom to let me wear one white glove. And then, I do my best moonwalk and "heee heee owwww" Billie Jean impression. And afterwards Grandma Liza would cheer and hug me tight. That's my dearest MJ memory.

it's gray today.

under normal circumstances, a gray day would induce a case of the blahs. but not today. it's so lovely and appropriate to have some gray. it's been sunny and perfect with zero humidity in NY for an entire month, and the cynical side of me began to think it was un-natural and likely even a foreshadowing of some un-godly storm waiting in the wings. but today--it's gray. and all is natural again. and besides, the gray will make the next sunny day even more appreciated.

another reason why i'm loving the gray day. today is get-down-to-business-and-pack-your-shit day: today's the day i find out if all my stuff will actually fit into 8 large rubbermaid storage containers...or so i told my mover ;-)

last night, i had dinner with hannah and one of her mentors--and then we giggled like children in the Fresh section of Sephora--convincing the nice sales lady to make us samples of Sake and Sugar. Sugar for me, Sake for hannah. And then I was grazed by a volleyball in Union Square park. my luck. lol.

xo

p.s. one of my fellow bloggers called me "pretty." and it stuck. every girl should tell another girl they're pretty. do it today...

proscratinating.

i have no idea what i'm doing in these pics, but i posted them because i look peaceful and relaxed (though my arms look chicken-y). far too relaxed in fact for someone who's supposed to be packing for her move in less than 5 days. oh well, what is it that scarlett o'hara says at the end--"tomorrow IS another day." p.s. i love this tank. it's stays white no matter how many times i mistreat it.

so i picked up the phone.

my ex bf has been calling me for weeks. and i hadn't answered. just afraid of the conversation "going there," and not yet comfortable with a "friendship," which is what all his voice mails claims he wants. tonight, after two voice mails and two text messages, saying "I really just need a friend," i caved, and called. (i titled this "i picked up the phone," but i should have titled it "i called back.") anyway...

...I called back, and it was awkward, as expected. And then he loosens up, and starts to ask me for advice on how to end his dysfunctional relationship. apparently, his woman is emotionally abusive. i told him to do what's best for him. but not to be generic (this IS a person I once really cared for)--i also added that relationships can be difficult (also quite generic), but the right one will see you through the difficult times to the good times, and sometimes you'll step backward, to go forward (i know, still generic). Mostly though, I just told him to focus on what he wants, and by all means, if she really IS abusive, let go...and make room for a better, or at least less abusive, woman. It's NYC for god's sake--there are tons of women. He said he was afraid of being alone. hmmmph...grab a name-tag and join the club.

Another part of the conversation reminded me of how different he and I were, and had always been, and of how I thought, at one point, I could be what he needed. Finally, when I realized I couldn't, it hurt him badly. I hated hurting him. I mean, he was no angel...he'd hurt me too...but in the end, I made the final cut. All the things he wanted, I wasn't any of them--stable, religious, symbiotic, stay-at-home, picket-fencey, and suburban. All good things, all lovely and appealing to someone--just not me. What the hell's wrong with me??

Before we hang up, he calls me a "nomadic woman," and asks where i'm going next (after NY). He knows me better than I thought.

for rachel, and the (dreadful) dnc comedians.

will we ever tire of this song? not as long as jane has that braided mullet and nose-ear ring. hot.

i'm a bit stuck.

i knew it would happen, and i sort of welcome it. i was working on "the book" today and i'm finding it hard to finish this one particular chapter. it's the 4th i've written, and i want to see it through--but it keeps going on and on, and i want to end it, but the question is how? that's my current dilemma--like i said, i welcome it though. my goal today, to finish this chapter--and gracefully move on to the next.

today was a beach day...my roommate and I laid out on the white Queens sand for 5 hours--soaking in the sun, the perfect breeze, and then there were the heinekens. hmmmm. and thanks to a heavy-handed slathering of hawaiian tropic, i'm the color of a beet. so embarassing (no i will not post a pic). what's in that stuff anyway??

xo

fuck the break.

i'm finding that taking a break from my blog is like a taking a break from thinking. so i'm calling it off...the break, not the thinking.

a dear friend said to me this week, "if you want to hear god laugh, make a plan." We were chatting about my long-term plan of moving to Canada. 5 years baby. And no more.

But tonight, I'm babbling about the short-term. I got home from work today with plans of meeting up with a friend for a writer's group. Turns out it was a reading group, and she'd opted out. Wasn't the first opt-out of the past week, so I'd come up with a plan B: Elegy. I've been eyeing the trailer, so i figured I'd head down to the Angelika to see it. Eat a lot of popcorn--and settle in to watch the wondrous-ness that is Ben Kingsley. How can you not love this man? Have you seen House of Sand and Fog?? ahhh...it's so much to handle, the stress of that movie, but sooo satisfying...Ben is one of acting's finest...

Where was I?

So, on the train ride to Houston, I started to crave sushi and coffee. Oh, and the weather! Man, the weather is not indoor theater weather. NYC has been blessed with the most glorious stretch of perfect temps for nearly 3 weeks. Needless to say, I wanted to soak in the summer night...sooo Ben will have to wait.

So here goes my plan C:

* Stop at the bank to make a deposit...prepping and penny pinching for my impending move. (yay)

* Grab a salmon and cucumber roll at Shima--favorite light meal. Turns out I wasn't so hungry though.

* Walk into some tiny perfume/soap shop on 9th--sorry, can't remember the name. Spray one arm with brown sugar something-something and swipe the other with Pacifica's fig. Not sure which I prefer, so I leave, unconvinced I like either.

* Oops, almost forgot. I stop by the little moroccan-ish shop next to un-named perfume/soap shop. Find the perfect, dusty-rose colored silk hair scarf. Only $2.

* So, then I end up in one of my favorite night-time coffee shops, Mud. I love this place because of the vintage decor, good music, and the cappuccino. I order a cappuccino at the bar--and guy one bench down says he likes how I smell. "Brown sugar or fig?" I ask--and I hold up both wrists for him to compare. He prefers brown sugar (I'm more into fig, though, to be quite honest, still not sure i'm sold on either). Then, he suggests a place in Williamsburg, near Berry, where a guy custom designs signature perfumes for each of his customers. "It's pricey, but worth it," says he. I ask him for the name of said pricey perfumerie, and guess what he says. Just guess. "I don't know." Thanks a lot my wrist-sniffing friend who loves Aesop Rock. Nice guy though.

* In the middle of all this, i jot some pieces of "the book" in Big Blue...but i'm distracted by the beatles, al green, and aesop. plus, the cappuccino's got me buzzed.

* I'm coming to the end of my night. I finish my perfect cappuccino--and decide against dessert. I reach for my wallet, bartender says it's on the house. what a sweetie! I leave--and walk the six avenues to the west side. One of the loveliest walks of my life. I'm lying. maybe. I covet walks, long walks--and really, this one felt good, like i could have made my way to the Hudson.

p.s. i don't normally start off a post with the f-bomb...blame my vulgar friend daniel.

he's at it again.

the saxophonist, that is. outside my window--i can't make out the song, just the melody--and I can imagine him--in his small apartment, filling up all the space with hot air and vitriolic sound. and nearly everyday at this time. i wish he'd wait, 4 hours, and maybe play me to sleep. i could use a bedtime story....not so much "once upon a time," but definitely the "happily" part. i wonder if he tries hard and fights with it, or if it spills out naturally--and he fights with it.

sidenote: if i played something--i'd stay away from horns. i think it'd be the guitar--if only for the lovely arms--and, oh, the coolness factor :-)

p.s. ...back to my break.

can you tell i'm on a break?

sorry people...i need it. work stuff. life stuff. the usual, only all at once. i'll speak on it soon though.

in happier news: I've been writing a bit of "the book" everyday--and it feels good to stare at the pages, and think "that's me on that paper!"

i hope everyone's having a lovely end of august.

xoxo

p.s. coming soon -- "the subway is my office."

at first...

...the mornings were the hardest--breakfast got stuck in my throat. i cursed my in-box. now it's the weekends. i had to hide my suitcase under the bed--out of sight out of mind, people say.

i think i've gotta plant BOTH my feet at home. here. and maybe my heart will catch on.

while i was blow-drying my hair...

...and looking a H.A.M., this silly korean girl (hannah, at least i didn't say 'oriental') grabbed me and forcefully made me take pictures...my hair was poofed out every whicha way. and so, this was the only one suitable for posting.

patchouli makes me nauseous.

some guy was wearing it today, in the 85-degree august heat. i've never liked the scent--smells like something someone would splash on to cover up bad b.o.

so, i got lost going to the beach today. i had to take 4 subway trains, and I kept missing them. On a sunday morning, you're lucky if the G, L, and A come every 15 minutes. Then I took the wrong A to the wrong part of Queens, and had to backtrack and wait another 25 minutes for the right A. But hey, no complaining on a beach day. and what a lovely beach day it was!

some weird guy came over to my private space on the sand--asking to apply my suntan lotion. Of course, I said, "no," but I was kind about it--and I listened to him go on and on about his Puerto Rican/Jewish heritage, his first eye-brow threading (don't ask me why this guy gets his brows threaded...lol!), and his upcoming trip to the D.R. Finally, he went away after I told him that under no circumstances would I swim in the ocean with him.

then, coming home, the cherry on top of my day: I drove the train. Okay, I'm embellishing a bit. I met the conductor, Larry--and I guess he took a slight liking to me. Claims to like mulattos a lot *sigh*, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that we no longer go by "mulatto." it's kinda like calling a chinese person "oriental." oh well. so, i technically didn't steer the train, but Larry did give me the ins and outs of subway driving--buttons, valves, lights, switches, and lots of other gadgets and knobs, and he let me ride up front with him for four stops. i hope he doesn't get fired. i told him i was writing a book, when he asked "what do you do?" he gave me his email address and asked me to keep in touch and maybe let him know how the book is going. I doubt i will...but hey, who knows.

p.s. congrats to ellen and portia.

hannah loves me. i love hannah.

it's grand to be loved. reciprocated love. simple, complicated love. i was thinking, hannah--when we finally open our cafe-boutique, how about we name it "hannah and me"? or "ginger and me"? let's open it when i'm done with ny, and you're done with london, if ever.

speaking of love, this post is dedicated to the soon-to-be-wed sweethearts, christine and kevonne--both beautiful (i can't stop staring at both), and both interesting (i can't stop listening to them either). they'll marry sometime next year, and i'll be there (i hope i'm invited). kevonne recommended landmark for the BF, and christine recommended dr. hauschka for me--and after picking up a sample kit today from whole foods, i recommend dr. hauschka to everyone reading this (the quince lotion is my favorite so far--smells good enough to eat).

last night, kevonne, christine, hannah, and some guy who's name we can't remember (he was nice though), had dinner at grungy-but-charming Moto. high marks! yummy beer (abita), and although I had (more like, devoured) the mussels with cream sauce, the roasted chicken transcends mine--and that's saying alot. I'm already planning my return to this miniature billyburg spot. Or is it bushwick? Oh, and there was a barbershop quartet--in brooklyn!! lol. cute. and before the band, they played devotchka, whom i love. gotta put some of it on my "walking partner." i can't say enough about this place...but i'll quit now...

in other less-pleasant news, i have a bitch of a burn blister on my thumb. i don't know what to do about it. lesson learned: don't fuck with the linea pro.

oh, and more, other less-pleasant news, degree women's deodorant does not work. at least not in august.

i can't wait to move
i can't wait to move
i can't wait to move
i can't wait to move
(you'll here me say that often for the next 2 weeks)

xo

i didn't need to know this.

why does the "saviour's message" have to be so morbid?

so, i mentioned cigarettes...

... and my affinity for them to a co-worker on the subway ride home--and of course she gave me the "you're a walking tumor, and you should plan your funeral now" look. I don't even love cigs, and I'm not addicted--it's more of a thing to do--a hobby.

But there she went, spoiling my tiny happiness. This is the same woman who told me that American Apparel actually only has friendly factories in the U.S., but has cruel sweat shops in the Dominican Republic that make the fabric that goes into those skimpy-sporty tees and dresses.

Back to the cigs. She reminded me of what it'd do to my skin--and at that point I let her rattle away, and I zoned out. I am Charlie Brown--she's the parents.

Enough.

Tonight, I had 5 Virginia Slims left in the pack I bought last month (Ultra Lights, btw). I washed my sheets, and wrote a page and a half of "the book." I made an agreement with myself--one page, one cig. I exceeded my own expectations--and finally named the protagonist.

I'll split the remaining 4 with Hannah, and then put "the hobby" away for a bit. I think.

p.s. Today Rachel called my purse a cornucopia. I haven't heard that word in forever. She says it's because I carry around so many snacks--M&Ms, gummy candies, fruit snacks, sweet tarts, tic tacs, cookies, and cigs. I've gotta downsize.

p.p.s. if this is random, it's because it's 12:42 in the morning. *yawn*

hannah is coming...and i did the crow.

today's the day...and i'm not shy about saying i've really missed my Hannah--and i can't wait to squeeze her. it's been a full year!

first stop: coffee

next stop: popeyes fried chicken

stop after that: beach (hannah, we--I mean, I need the beach)

final stop: Brixton (and i promise to visit)

p.s. Last night I discovered that I'm a member of the NYC Writers Circle. Seems I signed up for it more than 2 years ago, right before moving to DC. Nice to know they didn't drop me for lack of attendance--good sign. I was reading the profile I set up when applying for the circle: "I'm a late 20s female and four-year NYC resident working as an editor for a non-profit but love tragic fiction." blahhh! And the pic i submitted--eeek!! (I love that writers don't have to be photogenic)

p.p.s. yesterday marked my three-week anniversary with yoga--and I conquered the Crow--for all of 4 seconds :-) I feel a bit like a breakdancer.

big baby.

i totally forgot to post this...a big congrats to my wonderful friend Tammy--who had her 2nd son on Sunday. And a linebacker at that--8 pounds, 7 ounces! I can't wait to see the big little guy!

Okay...I have nothing else to say about babies, you all know how I feel about this topic, and frankly, I'm opening up to the idea of prolonging my procreative activities until my late-late 30s, early-early 40s. Last night, my roomie was hot-and-bothered about how she's "36 and wants to have a baby!!" And I told her, "you've got plenty of time." Maybe that was a lie tho--wrapped up in wishful thinking. I don't know the lifespan of her uterus. Yet, I'm holding onto hope. I was a late bloomer--didn't get my cycle until 14--and so damnit--that should tack on a couple extra years of fertility. Wait--I just said I have "nothing else to say about babies," didn't I?

so, i'm back in NY (i say that often, don't i?).

...after a lovely time in DC (thanx G, A, Y, A, and A)--and thrilled that I won't have face the nauseating clutter that is Midtown for at least a month. It was extra ugly down there today.

in happier news, two things to report: 1) Hannah is coming on Wednesday! yay! That means lots of Popeyes and coffee...and quite possibly some debauchery--and hopefully lots of therapy. 2) You know the apartment in the LES that I can't afford? Well, I'm moving there on September 1--and it's more like Chinatown-on-the-border-of-the-LES. I did some budget shuffling, and I figure, I deserve to live in a neighborhood I love. Besides, I spend a whole huge chunk of my NY life in the LES--so at least I'll be saving a bit on subway fare. Brooklyn will have to wait until later next year. I'm so excited!!! The packing begins (eeek!)..and gotta find a cheap moving company (feel free to send suggestions).

xoxo

p.s. on the bus ride home, i watched The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Unless you enjoy torture--do NOT netflix this movie. Well, really it was an incredible story--but sad, sad, dark, and sad.

montage du dante.

so this weekend, i'm cat-sitting in DC for my old roomie. Dante is a sweetie pie...hands down, best cat ever! last night we took some photos, but he was feeling sorta camera shy. see...come on, give us a smile. nope. i WILL NOT look into the camera! i'm outta here! fine! but this is all you're getting outta me.

then this morning, when he least expected it, i caught him in this compromising position--and half asleep. sorry dante. i HAD to do it.
xoxo

one year old.

this post seems oh so obligatory. my blog is one year old, oh happy birthday papier-mache, blah blah blah. I said SEEMS. If I'd only written about life and not lived it, I'd say, "this is a post for a sake of a post." But I've done stuff, and damnit I'm proud of myself.

I've lived life.

I returned to NY--my sometimes home/sometimes hell (jury's still out).

I got a new job--nearly six months in and i still love it. really.

I've got so much love in my life, and I figure me nurturing it had a little something to do with it. A friend said to me last week, "You're easy to love." An awfully sweet thing to say--but I dunno--sometimes I dunno...but I do love and cherish friends like her.

I decided, "this will be the year I pay off some of my debt," and by the end of this year, I'll have one less college loan against my good name.

I've started the book I sat out to write. nearly a year ago, I said these words right here in front of you: "I'm 29 and a half, and my goal is to write a book by 35, but I don't know where I want to begin. Maybe writing here will be a start." It's very early, I'll call it my first trimester...you know, when you know it's not so wise to tell people, because who knows what could happen, but you just can't help it. And so far, it's exhilirating to pull out all this stuff I didn't think I had inside me. Some type of emotional colonic..

See, I guess this whole one-year-blog-post really is just about tooting my own horn. *toot*

p.s. thanks to the ever loyal and lovely readers of papier-mache. you put up with my sap, sarcasm, sadness, and silliness. for god's sake, don't leave me!!!

yanni's body double.

gosh...what a day! ugh. I'm just now getting to post my blog for the day, and so--just to warn you--everything here will seem very after-the-fact and all-over-the-place. nothing unsual, if you're a frequent reader tho.

I'd like to say "Try the food at Kampuchea" (cambodian spot in the LES). I went there last night with my friends D. and T.--and while the food felt great going down, when i got home--well let's just say, my tummy wasn't in agreement with my tastebuds. kinda unfair. I'll spare you the details. I will, however, highly--HIGHHHLY--recommend the Coconut Rum Mojitos! yow! D. if you're reading this, last night was loads of fun. All the way down to the the yanni-body-double sighting, AND realizing I went to college with said yanni-body-double's buddy.

D's a romantic. We were talking a bit about relationships and he says you have to ask yourself, "what are my expectations?" "What do i need from this person," and "Do they live up to that," or something like that (I can't recall his wording exactly). But, I got so stumped, because my goal is to not get caught up in expectations, to go with the flow, and have fun. I said, that's "my goal." But, is that adult? I just want to be happy...and it'd be great to share that with the guy I love. Isn't that enough? Gosh, I dunno about all this relationship stuff...I'm so bad at it really...

...but my dear friend has an interesting take on it today. It's on Sperm Shooters. yep, i said sperm shooters. go on over there...you know you want to.

moving on...

and here's a very cool article with the coolest pic of a very cool guy...(turn to page E5 in the Weekend section). Note: He's not actually "Canadian-born."

I'm seeing an apartment in the LES today, and I cannot afford the rent. Eh well. I'm still gonna see it and who knows...maybe I can work something out.

*a thought of the day: What if everyday you say something nice to a total stranger? Could you keep it up? and would this little exchange of good feelings make their day as well as yours? I dunno. This morning the starbucks cashier says to me, "Boy, you smell good!" And I smiled and thanked her...and it made me feel good. She gave me my morning kick...coffee with compliments.

xoxo

no sooner do i say, "boots! boots!" than...

...i get an email about a saturday shoe sale at shoes.com. And i see these...and begin to drool. perfect, and just plain wicked. now to convince myself that i deserve them.

i just got home.

and didn't want to turn in without saying a word about the movie i just saw at the Quad. Let me clarify, I rarely, almost never step foot inside a movie theater. In my words, "It has to be WORTH IT." Well, The Edge of Heaven was pretty worth it. And while I don't think I'll see it again (soo sad...i need a comedy to counteract the sadness. perhaps Pineapple Express), I recommend it if you enjoy stories that leave a lasting impression and complicated characters who's lives interwine and twist, and while you hope they will make it to a happy place, they never quite do. riveting. that's a critic's word...and I'll agree...but, if i were a movie critic, I'd say "quietly riveting."

in other, less riveting news...i have to move. like before October. i can't take it anymore. some bummy dude walked up to me on Broadway and said "Want some of my doughnut" while proudly lifting said donut as close to my face as he could get. I wanted to spit on him (that's evil), but instead i made a sort of airy grunt noise. I need peace...not losers with jelly donuts.

*thought of the night: ask and you just might get it.

*another thought of the night: i'm so ready for cooler weather and boots (boots! boots! BOOTS!!). I'm so shallow.

blue is the color of the sky in summertime.

i forgot to post this pic yesterday...of another street in montreal, and a cool blue building and a perfect sky. I think the street was Duluth. And something else blue...a purse i just had to have by Montreal bag-and-belt designer Deborah Adams. Doesn't look like much here--but it's a sweet, distressed leather--made from vintage leather coats--and it's the perfect size for a small wallet, chap stick (can't go 10 minutes without it), phone, Moleskine, and keys...with maybe a tiny bit of room left for a tin of rosebud salve and a pack of virginia slims.

life couldn't be better.

and even if that's not completely true, sometimes you just have to tell yourself that to help get you to the better place. fake it til you make it, right? this weekend i told someone i love everything i needed to say, and some things i didn't even know i needed to say came out along the way...and a good part of me i thought had been killed off by past heartache made an appearance.

oh, and i love wooden shutters. must have them when i move into the new apartment which, btw, i have yet to find.

and i'm ready to post these lovely pics from montreal...which i must say, are pretty darn close to being identical. but lovely nonetheless. i really want a summer apartment in one of these row houses...kinda remind me of browstones, except they're gray. graystones. somewhere on st. laurent. this building-slash-botanical-garden was far too interesting to not snap. because of the balconies. a box of crayons. or grafitti. or comic art. st. laurent in mont royal...top of the hill. our hotel was/is on this rue. i forget where this was.this was a dark, cloud-heavy day on st. laurent.

p.s. I just noticed i posted the same pic twice...and i was going to delete one, but then i thought--"it was kind of a nice mistake...I'll leave it be."