minus 8 hours til 2008.

I didn't wanna do the obligatory blog-for-the-sake-of-blogging for NYE. But last night, two dear friends and I were discussing New Years resolutions and love over Yuenglings and cocktails, and it got me to thinking a bit.

As for resolutions, I'm canceling my gym membership, and switching to pilates and weight-free only. And as it has been in years past, i'm vowing to "be more kind." again. Save money, be more decisive, and cut unnecessary sugar out of my diet.

Now for the love part. A couple of things popped into my head, and I quickly wanted to jot them here.

- Don't have expectations. It's never a good idea to plan the wedding before the 3rd date.

- Nothing you do can make "it" happen--"it" has to be organic.

- Fear is naturally apart of loving someone.

- I'm not ready for this, means, I'm not ready for this WITH YOU :-(.

- Love doesn't allow for even a drop of selfishness. Give a little...and you'll get a little back.

- Don't listen to the "shoulds." Only you know what's best for your relationship.

- Be patient with your lover--patient, not foolish. It will help you in other areas of your life.

- Say what's on your mind (within reason). It will save you from mind games, sleepless nights, and awkward silences.

Ok people...that's all from me for 2007. Happy New Year!

thank you. i love it...

...and you. photo by Richard Chapman

when i can't find you.

I convince myself you are warm in your cluttered cozy apartment making stew with carrots and knitting afghans for your unborn babies.

I imagine you'll call me and invite me over for tea and sunflower seeds, and you'll tell me about your next mission and the people next door who you hear screaming through the walls.

And you'll ask me if I called my sisters, and tell me about when my hair was short and red and how I'd run when you tried to comb the kinks out. How one time I ran into an iron and burned myself, and you held me, wiped my tears, and asked had I'd learned my lesson.

You'll laugh and try to find the pictures you saved from those years in our old gray house with weak floors, but you've forgotten where you keep them.

Before leaving, I'll ask, "You need some help cleaning up this place?" And you'll say, "Oh no...I like it this way. I know where everything is."

text msg: saved and unsent.

I typed in "Happy hol" last night. And that's as far as I got.

napkin impressionism.

I draw things like this in staff meetings. It helps me to focus. But I drew this one on a napkin during "our talk." I couldn't keep constant eye contact with you...for fear that I'd get too emotional in public. But I heard everything you said.

p.s. I do not like ducks in front of houses.

more of these...

Painting from The Rainbow Kingdom

:-(

Aman the Vendor Guy hasn't been around in over three weeks. I miss him. I think he has relocated; hopefully to a better place where people buy hotdogs and candy from him on a more consistent basis. Still, I want my Coke from him, and my afternoon chocolate. And I want to admire his cool tweed jackets.

a watched pot never boils.

i'm going crazy waiting for my phone to ring...

UPDATE: the pot is boiling (more like simmering). now there's more waiting...acting...patience...work...butterflies.

a phone call, an email, and a little optimism

When I was very young, and I really really really wanted something to happen, say I wanted Samantha to end up with Jake, or wanted an A+ on my spelling test, I'd cross my fingers. Then I'd say "My toes are crossed. My hair is crossed. Even my eyes are crossed." How silly. I can't remember if that did the trick...although Sam and Jake were the happy couple last I checked and I always got a perfect score in spelling. So, if only for nostalgia's sake, I'm crossing my fingers, and leaving the rest up to karma.

4 inches of snow, pale skin, and a photo op.

I was gonna post something about the first snow of the season..."blah blah blah...it snowed last night...4 inches or something like that, and it's nice. some kids in mountain towns got a 2-hour delay...blah blah." but...this trumps snow:

Among a dozen or so parts of my body, I seem to have always been extra extra self-conscious about my pale skin. I wouldn't dare let a guy, or a Peeping-Tom, see me flat out naked unless I had a tan or at least a slathering of some Sun Laboratories (tip: I swear by this stuff post-Winter. It's the only self-tanner w/o that oompla-loompa tint). But lately, like so many other realizations that come with age, I'm starting to become okay with my paleness. Sometimes, with a bit of self-examination and flattering lighting, I'd even call it pretty. I'm getting there. Though, no matter how grown I get, it's still an uphill battle to unhear the "white girl!" taunts from my adolescence. If you went to my high school, you got tormented waaaaaay more for being unfortunately light than for being strikingly dark. (later I'd find that this light-skinned/dark-skinned battle, whether post-high school, post-college, or post-humous, never ends.)

Kids who couldn't even spell it used to call me "translucent!" Remember that movie "Powder?" Yep, that was one of my nicknames back then. I used to pray to the melanin gods to make me just fall somewhere in the middle. I once even oiled myself with vegetable oil and laid out in the sun...to my chagrin, I fried to red, instead of brown.

Nowadays, I can laugh at SOME OF my memories of taunting and of dreams of being browner. And I've been a little more accepting of the "white girl" that I am, often telling myself--and others, "I'm NOT pale. I'm FAIR!" **think Lizzie Bennet**
Photo by S. Smith

happy birthday hannah.

Have a happy happy day! I have no advice, except -- the late 20s, for me, have sucked (for the most part), but they're slightly better than the mid-20s, and heaps better than the early 20s.

p.s. I've thought about it and I refuse to send you wrinkle cream. You don't need it...you're beautiful!

i didn't take this photo.

...but i wanted to. Some DC photog snapped it. I saw this dilapitated building two weeks ago when I was shopping by Metro Center. It struck me for two reasons: 1) it seems so misplaced in the light-gray-dark-gray DC cityscape; and 2) because I hardly ever look UP in this city. I'm always looking straight ahead or down and walking speedily to make my way with as little interaction as possible with what's or who's around me (no wonder I get so pissed off with this place--and the heels of my boots wear down too quickly). I've lived here on and off for many many years and I never noticed this old cracked-up beauty. Gotta look up more oft.