Tuesday, August 26, 2008

so i picked up the phone.

my ex bf has been calling me for weeks. and i hadn't answered. just afraid of the conversation "going there," and not yet comfortable with a "friendship," which is what all his voice mails claims he wants. tonight, after two voice mails and two text messages, saying "I really just need a friend," i caved, and called. (i titled this "i picked up the phone," but i should have titled it "i called back.") anyway...

...I called back, and it was awkward, as expected. And then he loosens up, and starts to ask me for advice on how to end his dysfunctional relationship. apparently, his woman is emotionally abusive. i told him to do what's best for him. but not to be generic (this IS a person I once really cared for)--i also added that relationships can be difficult (also quite generic), but the right one will see you through the difficult times to the good times, and sometimes you'll step backward, to go forward (i know, still generic). Mostly though, I just told him to focus on what he wants, and by all means, if she really IS abusive, let go...and make room for a better, or at least less abusive, woman. It's NYC for god's sake--there are tons of women. He said he was afraid of being alone. hmmmph...grab a name-tag and join the club.

Another part of the conversation reminded me of how different he and I were, and had always been, and of how I thought, at one point, I could be what he needed. Finally, when I realized I couldn't, it hurt him badly. I hated hurting him. I mean, he was no angel...he'd hurt me too...but in the end, I made the final cut. All the things he wanted, I wasn't any of them--stable, religious, symbiotic, stay-at-home, picket-fencey, and suburban. All good things, all lovely and appealing to someone--just not me. What the hell's wrong with me??

Before we hang up, he calls me a "nomadic woman," and asks where i'm going next (after NY). He knows me better than I thought.

5 comments:

rashad said...

So if he calls again, will you answer, or just ignore him

Chubbs said...

i don't know. if i'm up for a long chat, i'll pick up, if i'm not, i won't.

JazzBrew said...

You gave him good advice. Hopefully he takes it to heart.

There is NOTHING wrong with you. Better to realize you are not those things now rather than later (when you are married with children).

Ariel said...

There's really nothing wrong with you. You're just different than he is. That's fine. One day you'll find a guy who's nomadic like you are. Or at least is cool with that. Personally I'd like to have a home base and then travel a lot. Maybe with the next man you meet (if he's not as nomadic) it'll be a good compromise.

Chubbs said...

thanks for the input, jazz and Ariel. both good perspectives. i think i've found the right guy--maybe not so "nomadic," but in a lot a ways, pretty darn great. But, only time will tell.

okay i've said too much ;-)