Sunday, September 2, 2007

most depressing blog entry ever.

No, it’s not about global warming, or gas prices, or inflation, although, yes, I fully recognize the serious nature of these topics, and I don’t want to take anything away from that. But, since this is my blog, I can be as me-centered as I want, and so onto my depressing pressing issue: My empty uterus.

I’m dating a 25 year old, and I want a baby.

Not because I’m ready to wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers and warm bottles, but because everyone else is doing it, or so it seems, even women years younger than me. And just like when I was a 13-year-old Catholic school girl and my chest was flat and everyone else had boobies, I’m the perpetual late bloomer. Meet the new, adult-sized, pink-tinted peer pressure. Everywhere I look, everybody’s preggers...i mean EVERYONE, from Nicole Richie to the giant pandas--and I’m selfishly sick of it. How incredibly pathetic is it to be jealous of a panda?

I went to a baby shower last week. Nice people, but the mommy-to-be was only 26. I’m 29 and years away from being sperminated. Ask my boyfriend, he’ll tell you the same. The shower, I know it wasn’t about me. It was all about her and her entry into mommyhood, something I want, but don’t really want yet, and am quite afraid of, but really really--I still want. Confusing, right? Life is so unfair! This was my 2nd baby shower of the summer, and I’m certain--there will be more. Soon I’ll be overtaken by them…and I’ll go broke (and crazy) supplying cute little neatly wrapped onesies, bibs, and Baby Einstein toys. And what do I get? What does this all mean for me and my empty uterus, six months away from 30? Am I a failure? Who knows…and I doubt writing this little entry is gonna clear it up for me.

I don't know if you can relate, but my withering uterus sometimes talks to me…and it doesn’t whisper, it YELLS, "When are you gonna get knocked up, it’s cold in here!” and it taunts me when I pass a pregnant woman on the street “Awww, look at her…isn’t she cute with her perfect little healthy round belly? I bet she's not a loser like you.” Mean uterus! Maybe I’m schizophrenic, but at certain times this “voice” is louder and more obnoxious than I can deal with, and I end up in tears.

So anyways, I’ve heard the women-are-having-babies-much-later-nowadays schpiel. I’ve read the many articles, blogs and seen the studies and news bits dedicated to this reassuring message. But then there are also the counter-arguments. According to CNN doc (and hottie) Sanjay Gupta, experts say the best time for a woman to get pregnant is when she’s in her mid-20s. (Well, there goes nothing.) Then he mumbles something else about the increasing risk of infertility and birth defects. Ouch. Thanks Sanjay.

None of this biology makes me feel better about my unoccupied uterus, but I guess I can at least take comfort in knowing that I have a little time left. But also, it's helpful that I’m not alone…that millions and millions of other women are, like me, listening to their ticking clocks while panicking and driving their hubbies and boyfriends crazy about it. And, you know what else helps: Whenever I see an exhausted couple, each with a baby carrier haphazardly strapped to their chests, and a screaming toddler on a kid leash. At that chaotic moment, I feel the sudden urge to get down on my knees and thank the fate gods for condoms. And I humbly vow to wait my turn.


asabi said...

u have plenty of time ginger. just think..the longer you wait the more wisdom you have to share. you will be a great mommy!!!

Michelle said...

Awww... i didn't realize your uterus was talking to you, girl. Mine never did (or if it did I wasn't listening) and it just happened. Remember, I didn't have Chase til I was 31, and it wasn't like I had plans to do so a year ago, ya know what I mean?? I promise, it WILL happen to you - and you will be a great mommy!! Luv ya

nickels said...

i thought i wrote this entry for a minute.
except i'm already 30.
i'll pass along the clichés my married and babymama'ed friends pass along to me: "girl, don't rush it." "when it's time, it's time." "everything for a reason."
i don't think my uterus can hear them though.

Nina said...

so I have not told many people and perhaps its a bit premature--but I am preggers and it feels like i have a perpetual hangover (dizziness, vomit, extreme exhaustion, smell sensitive, constant nausea--I could go on but I will spare you) --i am sure the reward will outweigh this miserable miserable feeling that haunts me not only in the morning but damn near every wakening hour, but for now--take comfort in the fact that your uterus is unoccupied!

Chubbs said...

Wow, Nina! Don't know if you'll back track to this post again...but congrats! I'm absolutely certain the reward will outweigh your current misery. And I hear the 2nd and 3rd trimesters are better...that's when you get the "glow." :-)