this IS the DL post.

Last Wednesday, I was having mexican at a tiny Harlem in-and-out with my Old Roomie--who is gay. I tell you he is gay because I think it's a necessary part of this story. As we're enjoying our rotisserie chicken in tortillas with black beans (yum, btw), and yap-yapping away about our future plans to move, to finish grad school, to pay off debt, to be more self-loving, and yadda yadda yadda--a guy walks in and stops in his tracks at the sight of Old Roomie. Old Roomie is a handsome, statuesque, poised guy, so why shouldn't anyone fixate on him? Old Roomie is also open and obvious about his sexual choosings...you would not, in a million years, mistake him for my lover. Staring guy is buff. I mean, BUFF. Let's just call him Buff Guy. insanely buff...to the point, where I wonder how he fits his uncomfortably large neck into button-down Oxfords. Ha! Leave it to me to see a built, brawny guy and immediately imagine how awkward he must look in his non-gym clothing. lol. Back to my story...

wait, first...everyone knows what DL means right? Down Low. You come off straight...you date and sleep with women, but you also date and sleep with men. And most importantly, the part about dating and sleeping with men is a big secret. This secretive lifestyle is prevalent in the black community, and quite possibly could be prevalent in the white, asian, latino communities as well...but i'm speaking from what i know, and so there--I think I defined it.

Where was I? Yea, so he's buff and all that, and while he's staring at Old Roomie with a "where do I know you from?" expression, I pick up on two key things. Well, three. He's totally ignoring me. He's totally checking out Old Roomie. He totally does not LOOK gay. Nothing about him says, "I'm gay and proud"... except maybe his fervor for strength training--and his perceived infatuation with Old Roomie.

Buff Guy starts a convo with Old Roomie--so it appears they have seen eachother at the gym. (Old Roomie is a trainer/dancer and Buff Guy is a trainer as well.) He asks Old Roomie "what's your rate?," meaning how much do you charge for training sessions. Then he compliments Old Roomie on his training style. Hmmm...I'm thinking, "why hasn't he looked at me yet?" and "why does he need a trainer? He IS a trainer?"

Let me state again, not only is he buff, but he looks rough-around-the-edges, fully straight and a typical Harlem hip-hop chick-magnet. I don't know why, but I'm just not getting a look-and-feel gay vibe from him, if that makes any sense.

Next he offers to give Old Roomie his number, so as to set up the training session. Old Roomie is totally playing it cool and professional and maybe a bit coy (I don't think Buff Guy is his type anyway), and offers to take his email address instead. Buff Guy scribbles down both the number and the email address, and gives an enthusiastic "Yo, definitely give me a call. I'd like to train with you."

I'm so confused.

After dinner, I ask Old Roomie if "that guy was gay?" And again, he's coy, and answers (or rather, doesn't answer) "I'm not sure, but he certainly wanted to get in touch with me! I don't understand why he needs a trainer if he's already a trainer. Oh well." Then laughter. I'm not sure if he's telling the truth, or if he's just as confused as I am. So I let it go. I don't want to sound like I don't think a perfectly straight man could hold an anxious, dripping-with-compliments conversation with a gay man. It's quite possible and normal--but you truly had to see the intensely interested look on Buff Guy's face.

So there are a few things here...if he's Down Low, he's Down Low...I'm not as perplexed by that though as much as I am that he didn't look at me. I might have a bit of an ego, but I rarely come into such close contact with a guy without garnering at least a 5-second stare or a flirty smile. You know what I got instead? A loose, obligatory handshake. hmmph.

Or, what if he isn't gay or DL, and I'm just thinking too highly of myself in thinking that if he is indeed straight, he should at least have checked me out a little more. I'm in no way interested, yet I do want to be acknowledged as an attractive, flirt-worthy woman. Is that so wrong? And then there's my other thought...the one that the BF would probably side with: Maybe he didn't stare because it was that reverse pyschology, hard-to-get thing that men do to show you they're not interested, even if they are...because they know women will first be perplexed, then annoyed, then enticed. OR, quite simply--he's gay, and he really just wants a "training session" with Old Roomie.

Thoughts?

p.s. sorry for the long post...i'm normally anti about longer posts...but this one had so many layers in need of explanation.

p.p.s. So I just came to another conclusion...Maybe Buff Guy didn't look at me because he prefers a brown-skin lady with a big booty and basically a little more meat or muscle on her bones, and he caught a glimpse of me out of the corner of his eye and figured I didn't fit that type.