Thursday, September 25, 2008

i'm not gonna talk about therapy here.

can you imagine? reading this blog and hearing about my psychoanalysis everyday? ugh. no way. but since it was day one, it's fitting to say something about it. so i'll just say--i'm going back next week. and i think that's a positive sign. i'm ready to go through this...i wasn't for a long time, i put it off for many years, but now i'm really really ready to get on with having a wonderful, full life :-)

When i was a child, i'd dig through the jellybeans, picking out the black ones and tossing them out. well, that's what doc is gonna help me do...toss out all those black jellybeans. and fix me. i want her to fix me, or help me fix myself. sounds ideal and unreasonable, and maybe impossible...but that's what i want. fixed does not mean perfect, fixed means you take something old, and broken, and you put a little glue, a little polish, some soap and water--and you make it stronger, cleaner, you make it last longer, you make it better. that's what i want.

4 comments:

Angda said...

Oh, I'm so proud of you! Maybe instead of helping you throw out the black ones, the therapist will help you to appreciate licorice! Good luck. I wish you the best with the road ahead.

JazzBrew said...

Chubbs,

What made you feel like you needed therapy? As I've gotten older I realize that I have more than a few issues. In the past I just chalked it up to "everyone has them" but perhaps they deserve closer inspection...

Chubbs said...

awww, thanks andga. i miss you...

jazz, ur right 'everyone does have them,' but part of me didn't want to be a stereotypical crazy old loon living in nyc, and another part of me thinks that we are all works in progress, and there's nothing wrong with striving to be stronger, braver, and happier. and then there's the part of me that knows what type of childhood i had, and i have the foresight to think ahead and want something better for my own future child(ren).

JazzBrew said...

All very good reasons. You have given me some things to think about. Thanks for sharing.