all i need right now is a hard cry.

and to not let whatever's getting to me remain pinned up and eating up my insides. (ugh...saying "your insides" makes me think of the word "innards" which makes me think of chitterlings, which makes me gag.)

Today, I feel like I am losing my mind. Not in the 911-check-me-into-the-looney-bin sense, but in the "I need a walk outside to scream" sense. The world feels so very heavy on me today, and though the day is a beautiful one and for-gods-sake it's friday, I feel overwhelmingly pissed off--at nothing in particular. Can I handle it all alone? Can I handle it all alone? Please let this be PMS! Today, I was hearing "No man is an island..." on repeat. Something with no particular meaning to me, and a pullout phrase from this book I'm dying to finish and move-on from. Reading it caused something to subconsciously trigger a bit of half-sadness/half-shame in me. I just want to cry...a good cry...until my eyes are red and my head is clear.

********
10 minutes later

I cried...or at least, I allowed tears to form even if they out-and-out refused to roll down my face. And I'm eating the most delicioso pumpkin soup. And what's next?? Chocolate pudding. Almost all better...