Monday, November 26, 2007

talking to myself;

I do it everyday. I hold long conversations with myself in an attempt sort through my problems and anxieties and other bullshit that creeps into my life. Saying it out loud (or writing it here) can sometimes make sense of the nonsense my mind tends to create. So today, on my walk to work, the conversation went like this:

Maybe it's just me overthinking things. I do that a lot. Cuz really, why would he lie about that?

It's silly. I'm silly. Nevermind.

And you know, even if he did lie, it's was so long ago and I was nothing to him then. Maybe NOW it would matter, but not then really. I'll leave it alone.

Everyone lies.

I lie.

But I wonder WHY he lied. I feel like I need to know this, but what if it's nothing, and he didn't lie and I'm just getting carried away in my suspicions because I'm insecure and afraid?

I am afraid. I don't want to know. forget it.

What if it's something I cannot forgive? What if it hurts too badly and I can't trust him afterwards? What if there are multiple lies?

This hurts reminds me of something. of SOMEONE else.