Saturday, January 31, 2009

you're a dick.

what i should have said to an ex lover i nearly walked into on houston this weekend. so odd. but instead, i said "heyyyyy." awkward, isn't it? running into someone you once slept with? his eyes said i was the last person he expected or wanted to see. lucky for him, i wasn't his girlfriend catching him in the act of messing around on her. and that he was. i can hear the story he must've told her. "I'm going to new york this weekend to watch the superbowl with my boys." it's not right.

and something else...likely the most important piece of this: a sigh of relief. i am relieved. relieved to have him fully, absolutely out of my life. a tinge of guilt. "i'll text him and say 'it was good running into you'." but it wasn't good. and what's the point? i didn't text, nor did he. so...nothing. nothing but perhaps a reminder that the heart heals when it's ready to. what was once so much--a reason to come back. a reason to try again. a reason to reconsider. a reason to cut him a break. a reason to forgive the other women. a reason to give him space. a reason to let go. a reason to get on with life--is now nothing. but just maybe that IS something.Balloon Girl, Banksy

p.s. happy chinese new year! though today's parade prevented me from crossing the street to get to my apartment, all is forgiven. the dragons were lovely. and the baby with the ox-horn know who you are--simple adorable.


Janelle said...

Ummmm can we say "progress"? See you know exactly what that feels like!!! :) And ummmm yeah can I cosign on the title? Superbowl my ass. LOL

etoilee8 said...

Remember the one I was all torn up over around Christmas time? Well, I called him recently to say we should hang out and talk (since we never did after he broke things off). He wrote back enthusiastic. I wanted to write back "just kidding, I can think of fifty things I'd rather do than be your friend". Instead I just didn't write back at all. Whatever, dick.