ok, so, break starts...

...now. Not sure for how long.

They say, in order to appreciate something, you have to let it slip from your fingers. "They" also say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Both remain unproven.

i really wanted to post...

about the shitty mood i was in today. but i figure, it'll pass **crossing fingers that it's PMS.** I haven't felt honest enough on my blog lately. I haven't felt like enough of anything--(there's some honesty). Maybe that's why I want to cancel it. It's not helping my happiness. In fact, re-reading some of my past thoughts...well, it's sad. I'm sulking more than i am laughing. The new year really needs to show me something...anything, a new direction, a flicker of THIS IS YOUR PATH.

P.S. I really appreciate your "don't cancel your blog" comments (i love you guys). I don't think I'll cancel. well, not yet. Although, I'm considering a possible name/subject matter change. For now, perhaps a break? Hmmm.

bitter cold and disappointment.

today was one of those days. you know the kind where you have to double-wrap your scarf around your face, wear multiple layers under your coat, and would rather just let your cell phone ring than take off your gloves to answer it. yep, bitter bitter cold today. typing from my warm bedroom right now, i feel lucky to have a roof, albeit a small one, over my head.

now on to the disappointment. so, i kinda love coffee, and rachel invited me to a coffee cupping at Joe--think wine tasting, but only with coffee. So, of course i took her up on her offer--i'd never turn down FREE coffee. Now i'll rundown what this cupping consists of:
- a long lecture-style explanation of coffee aroma, flavor, body, after-taste, yadda yadda yadda
- a sniffing of the grounds, then a sniffing of the grounds after adding hot water, then a sniffing of the grounds and water while stirring with a spoon.
- Then after 15 or so people have sniffed the hell out of these 4 different blends of coffee, can you guess what comes next?
- A tasting of these same coffees that have been sniffed. And not separate cups for each of us--nope, we all had to slurp from the same group of mugs.
- Rachel and I stared at the mugs, then at eachother, then at the mugs, and voted unanimously against the tasting portion of the cupping, or shall we call it the "swap spit and germs with a dozen or so strangers." Oh well. So much for free coffee.

p.s. today, a tiny thought popped into my head. CANCEL YOUR BLOG. I have fully thought it through, so needless to say, I have to weigh out the pros and cons. To be honest, I think I'm a bit bored of reading my out-loud thoughts.

polka-dot pals drank belgian beer...

...in a crimson bar.

danced at persian office party in a stark white loft
blue strobe lights, naked brown baby.

found discarded bag of toy cars
purple pimp car, cherry Jag, busted black-and-white limo.

met two rosy lovers at black pub
called Redhead.

happy birthday, baby.

happy birthday, baby. i love you so...**humming 16 Candles**

Today my Hannah turns...well, I'll leave her age out of this. Anyway, she turns a year older! yay!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH--do something fun, do something adventurous, and for god's sake, don't sulk and mope about your age. xo!

And here's a photo of another Hannah. Meet artist, feminist, and narcissist Hannah Wilke--in her birthday suit :-)

i need to get cable...

...for two reasons:

1) On Feb. 17, 2009, my roomie and I will have to get a DTV converter box.

2) The junk on network tv considerably outweighs the quality stuff. i.e. The World Music Awards have to be the lamest music awards show ever. They should rename the show, "We'll Give Awards To Whoever Shows Up to our Sucky Awards Show." And can someone tell me if that's beyonce's real hair? It looks natural--and besides, are weaves even popular anymore? Are they still called weaves? I'm so out of the loop. Anyway, she's still annoying as hell to me, and i'm soooo not okay with her portraying the great Etta, but call me shallow--I kinda like the hair.

p.s. this may be the only time i ever mention football or any other sport in my blogging. Plaxico means "Peaceful"--and not "Dumb Ass" like you may have thought. And, I've been wondering about this too.

i really need to...

...get off my ass and wash/style my hair. Ugh...it's almost 10pm, and flat-ironing will take me into the wee hours...so...I wish hats were acceptable dress code at my job.

tonight, i did not cry in therapy (that's a 1st in almost three months!)...I got teary, but no tears fell. And I'm thankful that I found my bottle of naproxen and my heating pad. And finally, tonight--on the subway--I wrote my prose-ish essay (i refuse to call it a poem) that i'm submitting to a friend's literary web-azine. Still needs some cleaning up...but all and all, very good first draft. PROGRESS--whether on a cushiony couch, on the pages of a tiny moleskine, or inside a pill bottle (yes, i said it)--feels pretty damn good.

love is...

dumb. And what's in the water in Long Island??