Monday, February 22, 2010

on being a teeny-tiny bit fearful to fully commit...

...hannah had this great advice for me...and while I can't post the entire email (out of respect for her/my privacy), I posted the eloquent and supportive little snippet I loved most of all...

...perhaps it's the expectation that may be getting in the way. maybe when we tell someone something about the past, we expect that "chosen" person to then be so affected that they'll be there forever, as a blanket to cover us, as love to protect and house us, so we'll belong... we're all like this... everyone's heart gets broken because that's the inevitable progress to adulthood. people break promises and sometimes they leave and disappear, but you'll always have you, and the universe, and the love in it. and sometimes that love brings people back to you as well.

p.s. This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. What will you do to promote good health and acceptance of all bodies? For me, it'll be iyengar, followed by copious amounts of comfort food, a few glasses of Cab Sav, and lots of dancing (hello, cardio!)...because in my opinion, being healthy isn't always about's about harmonizing the extremes.


£ said...

You know, a broken heart is one of the WORST feelings in the world. Maybe because its emotional/mental - it takes a toll on you that a physical ailment can't compare. I never want to feel that kind of pain again, and committing - kind of leaves you open to experience that kind of hurt again. And while im open to committing, i admit, i too am gun-shy. Hannah is on point (who told her she could strum my pain?) very eloquent, and, true.

Iyengar! Im currently reading him too :)

i like your idea of copious amounts of comfort food and dancing. The two go hand in hand. And of course, everything in moderation.

Chubbs said...

You're absolutely right, Lex re: broken heart. You know, a broken leg or physical wound can heal and get better over the may still have a scar or feel pain from time to time, but you take comfort in knowing the pain is never as bad as it was when it first happened. A broken heart hurts in the beginning, and then reveals itself even years down the road. Sometimes, sadly, it never fully heals...and god forbid anyone re-breaks it while it's still broken :-( Anyway, for me i guess it's less the fear of committing, so to speak, and more the fear of having a re-broken heart. But i'm currently working very hard to move past it. Kind of a tribute to myself and a "fuck you" to the person who broke it to begin with.

Jules said...

What Hannah wrote you on your email is true. Everyone can promise, but there is the tendency of breaking those promises in every way. I love this post. ;D Thanks for sharing.

The Brown Mestizo

£ said...

and i quote:

"Kind of a tribute to myself and a "fuck you" to the person who broke it to begin with."

that is essentially it. One day (hopefully) i'll be able to say that, and mean it.