Monday, May 25, 2009

a friend told me some depressing news yesterday...

..."When you see the man you're gonna marry, you'll know it immediatlely. It will make you sick. You'll have absolutely no control over it." That made me feel dreadfully awful because:

1) I don't want to be made sick by love.
2) I fear giving up control of anything in my life.
3) It hasn't happened yet: the sickness. So does that mean i have not loved?
4) I truly believe I loved two men in my life, and her statement has me doubting that. I was made sick when we broke up, though not when we met/were together.

When I posed question #3 to her...she said, "That's right. You have not loved." I don't want to believe her theory, but she is amongst the happily married, so what do I know, you know? When I said to her "Well, I get what you're saying, but I'm not so sure I even want to get married," A little light glimmered in her eye (seriously) and she said, "Well, then dating around is what's working for you right now." And then I couldn't tell if she was insulting me or belittling me, or if I was just taking everything a little too personal b/c she's happily married with two beautiful kids and a beautiful husband, and I am not. So I said "OK" (rather pathetically) and walked away, thought about it all, felt crazy, obsessed on it, and decided to commit my obsessing to words here. I'd love to hear your thoughts, if you have any.


rashad said...

With all due respect, your friend is full of shit. Nothing in life is that cut and'll be conflicted, you'll have doubt, and you may have all the feelings your friend mentioned. But its not all one or the other..

Chubbs said...

Thanks Rashad--for confirming my gut feeling :-)

Janelle said...

I agree with Rashad. (don't tell him that..hahaha)

There is no clear cut and dry answer to finding the one. For all she knows, she could have had food poisoning at the precise moment she met her hubby. LOL

What my blissfully boo'd up and married friends have told me is "you just know." No gut wrenching illness, no physical indication to declare to your heart "THIS IS THE ONE". That is nonsense and your friend, while she may have good intentions, can't predict that for you. If so, she needs to give me the mega million lottery numbers so I can play tonight. LOL
Oh and I think that was a little dig at your lifestyle. Not a major one, just a tiny bit.

Chubbs said...

Janelle--you're so right. Ever since my break-up, I've been questioning my judgement and signs and all. So, it's nice to hear it from someone else--that I'm not totally out of touch.

Daniel Harrison said...

What a load of stuff and nonsense. Just because she had that reaction doesn't mean you HAVE to.

My grandpa used to feel storms coming in his knees. Still, we all got wet regardless of whether we felt it coming or not.

Summer said...

Oh my,i can't say more..=( Rashad and Janelle told you all be your self,try to find your self.And always remember don't rely on others suggestion.Have a great day,looking forward on your next post.=)

A Writers Den
The Brown Mestizo

£ said...

i'm in agreement with everybody else. Like Daniel Harrison said: "just because she had that reaction doesn't mean you have to."

(lol @ janelle mentioning food poisoning)

i don't think i've seen any man immediately - other than Pharrell Williams and Al B Sure - and just KNEW that i was going to marry him (obvi since im not hitched lol).

And i have loved. Hard.

I mean love is one of those things that defies description and every persons reaction to that emotion is unique.

Don't doubt the love you've experienced. You felt it, you know it. Sickness may happen in the future, it may not. But it should not be deciding factor on whether the love is real.