big baby.

i totally forgot to post this...a big congrats to my wonderful friend Tammy--who had her 2nd son on Sunday. And a linebacker at that--8 pounds, 7 ounces! I can't wait to see the big little guy!

Okay...I have nothing else to say about babies, you all know how I feel about this topic, and frankly, I'm opening up to the idea of prolonging my procreative activities until my late-late 30s, early-early 40s. Last night, my roomie was hot-and-bothered about how she's "36 and wants to have a baby!!" And I told her, "you've got plenty of time." Maybe that was a lie tho--wrapped up in wishful thinking. I don't know the lifespan of her uterus. Yet, I'm holding onto hope. I was a late bloomer--didn't get my cycle until 14--and so damnit--that should tack on a couple extra years of fertility. Wait--I just said I have "nothing else to say about babies," didn't I?

i'm soooo not ready to have babies...

...so says the nightmare I had last night (contrary to my past sentiments). I knew I shouldn't have watched "Cold Case" and eaten two brownie cookies before falling asleep. Or it could have been HSN's Miss Tina collection (I watched it for all of three minutes) that threw off my sleep pattern...truly HIDEOUS, cheap-looking crap she's calling "fashion." just plain tacky!

Now for my nightmare: I went to the doctor for a regular check-up, and this evil nurse told me I was preggers. I told her she "must be mistaken!", so she made me pee several times into tiny glass test tubes. Then she shook all of them and cackled like a witch as they all turned pink (which, in my dream world, must be some sort of litmus test for pregnancy). As the nurse gave me the news 10 times over, my head spun with anxiety and questions--"This is the worst possible thing that could happen...my world is crushed! What am I gonna do with a baby? I just got a new job!!! I can't go on maternity leave yet? And what about [the BF] and his dreams?" Yes, I actually had this logical thought process in my dream!!!

And then I woke up this morning with a pounding headache, but relieved beyond belief that it wasn't morning sickness. whew!

tiny bits of hope.

Yay...it's confirmed! Halle Berry is 41 and preggers! Who cares that you can't act...you've given us all hope that love, babies, and gorgeousness are possible in our 40s. Congrats Halle...you're the answer to the most depressing blog entry ever.

most depressing blog entry ever.

No, it’s not about global warming, or gas prices, or inflation, although, yes, I fully recognize the serious nature of these topics, and I don’t want to take anything away from that. But, since this is my blog, I can be as me-centered as I want, and so onto my depressing pressing issue: My empty uterus.

I’m dating a 25 year old, and I want a baby.

Not because I’m ready to wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers and warm bottles, but because everyone else is doing it, or so it seems, even women years younger than me. And just like when I was a 13-year-old Catholic school girl and my chest was flat and everyone else had boobies, I’m the perpetual late bloomer. Meet the new, adult-sized, pink-tinted peer pressure. Everywhere I look, everybody’s preggers...i mean EVERYONE, from Nicole Richie to the giant pandas--and I’m selfishly sick of it. How incredibly pathetic is it to be jealous of a panda?

I went to a baby shower last week. Nice people, but the mommy-to-be was only 26. I’m 29 and years away from being sperminated. Ask my boyfriend, he’ll tell you the same. The shower, I know it wasn’t about me. It was all about her and her entry into mommyhood, something I want, but don’t really want yet, and am quite afraid of, but really really--I still want. Confusing, right? Life is so unfair! This was my 2nd baby shower of the summer, and I’m certain--there will be more. Soon I’ll be overtaken by them…and I’ll go broke (and crazy) supplying cute little neatly wrapped onesies, bibs, and Baby Einstein toys. And what do I get? What does this all mean for me and my empty uterus, six months away from 30? Am I a failure? Who knows…and I doubt writing this little entry is gonna clear it up for me.

I don't know if you can relate, but my withering uterus sometimes talks to me…and it doesn’t whisper, it YELLS, "When are you gonna get knocked up, it’s cold in here!” and it taunts me when I pass a pregnant woman on the street “Awww, look at her…isn’t she cute with her perfect little healthy round belly? I bet she's not a loser like you.” Mean uterus! Maybe I’m schizophrenic, but at certain times this “voice” is louder and more obnoxious than I can deal with, and I end up in tears.

So anyways, I’ve heard the women-are-having-babies-much-later-nowadays schpiel. I’ve read the many articles, blogs and seen the studies and news bits dedicated to this reassuring message. But then there are also the counter-arguments. According to CNN doc (and hottie) Sanjay Gupta, experts say the best time for a woman to get pregnant is when she’s in her mid-20s. (Well, there goes nothing.) Then he mumbles something else about the increasing risk of infertility and birth defects. Ouch. Thanks Sanjay.

None of this biology makes me feel better about my unoccupied uterus, but I guess I can at least take comfort in knowing that I have a little time left. But also, it's helpful that I’m not alone…that millions and millions of other women are, like me, listening to their ticking clocks while panicking and driving their hubbies and boyfriends crazy about it. And, you know what else helps: Whenever I see an exhausted couple, each with a baby carrier haphazardly strapped to their chests, and a screaming toddler on a kid leash. At that chaotic moment, I feel the sudden urge to get down on my knees and thank the fate gods for condoms. And I humbly vow to wait my turn.